


Loving You Has Consequences

by LavenderMandarin



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25172977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LavenderMandarin/pseuds/LavenderMandarin
Summary: Set after Lex reveals Kara's identity to Lena.Lena wallows in her office and when Consequences plays, she finds herself relating to the lyrics.
Relationships: Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	Loving You Has Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever songfic! ...and I decided to make it angsty, oops

Lena sat at her desk with her head in her hands, an almost-empty glass of scotch sitting beside her. She sighed. 

"Hope, could you play something sad please?"

"Of course Miss Luthor."

At least her AI didn’t need any explanations from her. 

As the unfamiliar piano tune filled the room she perked up, brows furrowing a bit as she was unable to identify the song. 

"Hope, what song is this?"

"The song is Consequences by Camila Cabello, Miss Luthor."

As the lyrics started flowing into the darkened room Lena listened closely and her interest piqued at the familiar lyrics.

_ Dirty tissues, trust issues _

As she listened to the first line she began to dive into her thoughts. She had always had trust issues; her family was full of liars, after all. And now... now Kara had lied to her, too.

_ Glasses on the sink, they didn't fix you _

Those damned glasses, how had she not noticed? Glasses and a ponytail, one of the simplest disguises ever! Yet, she had never realized, never put together the fact that Kara and Supergirl were one and the same. Stupid.

_ Lonely pillows in a stranger's bed _

She wasn’t proud of it but she had had some one-night stands to try and rid herself of the crushing grief in her chest. She remembered those trysts then, the dim lighting that she’d enforced, the shame writhing in her chest even as she reached the peak of her ecstasy. It hadn’t helped. She would leave in the middle of the night without the other person even realizing who she was.

_ Little voices in my head _

The voices in her head kept telling her that it was Kara’s fault, that Kara had hurt her and now she would hurt her back even worse. She would make Kara pay for what she’d done to her.

_ Secret keeping, stop the bleeding _

She had expected Kara to not have any secrets from her but now she realizes that she was wrong. Kara had secrets, too, and now her heart was bleeding.

_ Lost a little weight because I wasn't eating _

The song lyric had struck a nerve. Lena hadn’t really been eating well with the lack of Kara in her life. Kara would always make sure she ate at lunch but now she would work straight through her lunch break or instead opt for drowning herself in scotch. 

_ All the songs that I can't listen to, to tell the truth _

She barked out a harsh laugh, here she was listening to a song that only made her realize that the truth was staring her in the eyes from the very first moment they’d met. The truth was harsh, and only now did she realize how much so.

_ Loving you was young, and wild, and free _

Lena’s attention immediately snapped to attention. Love? How did the song know her so well?

_ Loving you was cool, and hot, and sweet _

Love. She did love Kara. But now she knew Kara was also Supergirl and they had always treated her differently. Did she still love Kara? 

_ Loving you was sunshine, safe and sound _

She listened closely; the song lyrics were right. Kara was her sunshine, she made her feel safe and warm and happy. Something she had never expected to feel again after Lex went mad.

_ A steady place to let down my defenses _

Kara was her safe-haven, somewhere she could be Lena, not Ms. Luthor, not the CEO of L-Corp, not one of the world’s youngest self-made billionaires. With Kara, she was just Lena. 

_ But loving you had consequences _

She could always rely on Kara when things got tough to be there for her. Now, she wasn’t so sure about that anymore. There were, after all, consequences that Kara would have to deal with. Consequences that she had to deal with, too.

_ Hesitation, awkward conversation _

Kara was a chipper, kind, warm soul. She also tended to be awkward and nervous when talking with people, something Lena had found endearing. Now she couldn’t help but wonder how much of it was an act. Supergirl was always confident and sure of herself, the polar opposite of Kara.

_ Running on low expectation _

Kara never had big expectations of Lena. Everyone else in her life always expected so much of her. Lillian, Lex, Lionel, they had always set such big expectations for her. Once she was CEO of L-Corp, she had all eyes on her and everyone always expected the best from her.

_ Every siren that I was ignoring _

She thought back to every time she should’ve known, from their very first interview to now. _"_ _ I flew here... on a bus" _ and Lena simply brushing it off _ , "I was get- uh, getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called" _ and Lena’s oblivious,  _ "Oh, that’s lucky",  _ every time that Kara had slipped up and she hadn’t noticed. That whole time when Mercy was threatening them she was trying to protect Kara but it turned out Kara had been using her powers to protect her and Eve. Lena almost laughed as she thought about just how frustrated Kara would have felt when she couldn’t get away and change into her Supergirl suit but it stopped in her throat and turned into a bitter chuckle.

_ I'm paying for it _

Lena really was. She was paying for every time she hadn’t noticed, every time she had been in denial, every single red flag she had ignored. Because she hadn’t noticed earlier, she was dealing with the consequences; the pain, the hurt, the devastating grief she had felt consume her when Lex’s last words were that she was a fool. When Lex’s last words revealed to her that her best friend was lying behind her back. How Kara and her friends must’ve been laughing at her behind her back the whole time, all in on a joke no one had bothered to tell her about.

As the chorus flowed through the room again, she thought back to the happier times, when she was oblivious to Kara’s secret identity, when Kara had chipped away at her walls until she gave in, adding windows that brightened her mind, adding doors that allowed Kara’s sunny disposition entrance. She didn’t remember when exactly she had fallen for Kara, it was a gradual process that she never consciously realized was happening.

With the singer vocalizing in the background, Lena finally allowed herself to break down, burying her face in the palms of her hands and allowing hot tears to stream down her face, her silent sobbing so powerful that it wracked her entire body, her figure trembling as she tried to find a way to release the anguish and pain inside her.

_ Loving you was dumb, dark, and cheap _

She couldn’t help but resonate with the singer’s words. She almost laughed. Here she was, feeling like a fool, sitting in the dark as she sipped on some cheap whiskey she had bought in some unfamiliar liquor store, a hood pulled over her head. 

_ Loving you will still take shots at me _

She almost cried again. The lyrics couldn’t be more true. Every time she saw Kara, no matter how betrayed she felt, she couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter every time Kara laughed, the sound bright and sunny. Every time she saw Kara she felt like she was being shot. It hurt so much. So damn much.

_ Found loving you was sunshine, but then it poured _

Loving Kara had made her feel warm. She felt drawn to Kara as a sunflower would be to the sun. And then, then, after all they’d been through together, she was suddenly snapped back to reality. When Lex had revealed Kara’s secret, she had felt like a bucket of icy water was suddenly poured over her. Even through the downpour, every time she thought of Kara she couldn’t help but see her brightness, her sunlight, her warmth.

_ And I lost so much more than my senses _

She had lost everything now. If she planned to go through with her plan, she would truly lose everything she ever had. 

_ 'Cause loving you had consequences _

Consequences. Everything she did had consequences. They were almost always bad, too. She just hoped that maybe Kara would see why. See why she was doing what she was going to go through with.

_ Yeah, loving you... _

As the song faded away, Lena downed the rest of her scotch and walked out onto her balcony. 

She thought about her plan one last time before retreating back inside her office, cleaning up all evidence of her drinking, going to the adjacent restroom and cleaning up her appearance, before she walked back into her office and sat down on her chair.

"Hope, call Kara Danvers."

**Author's Note:**

> I know the ending is kind of vague but I don't really know where to go with it so I just left off there. I'm not even really sure if this is a world where Lena wants to go through with her Myriad plan.
> 
> Thank you for reading, though!
> 
> also i'm on tumblr @catargott


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